Home / American Humor - Jokes and Funny Stories - Page 1

American Humor - Jokes and Funny Stories - Page 1

Here is our selection of American jokes and humor. We hope that you will find them entertaining.


This is page 1 of 6.


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Say, do you happen to know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?
No, I didn't even know he had moved home.
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Joe: I can trace my ancestors all the way back to Columbus.
Bud: Back to 1492?
Joe: No, to Ohio.
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How much money did the bronco have?
Only a buck.
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What breed of dog rides a horse named Macaroni?
Yankee poodle!

Submitted by: Joe
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What breed of dog would you want on your American football team?
A golden receiver.
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Why is a dog just like a baseball player?
He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.
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Why is an astronaut like an American footballer?
They both like to make safe touch-downs.

Submitted by: George
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She's always late. Her ancestors arrived in America on the June Flower.
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A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city."
"Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."
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There was a very self-sufficient blind man, who did a lot of traveling alone. He was making his first trip to Texas and happened to be seated next to a Texan on the flight.
The Texan spent a lot of time telling him how everything is bigger and better in Texas. By the time the blind man had reached his destination, a large resort hotel, he was very excited about being in Texas.
The long trip had worn him out a little so he decided to stop at the bar for a small soda and a light snack before going up to his room to unpack this clothes.
When the waitress set down his drink, it was in a huge mug. "Wow, I had heard everything in Texas is bigger," he told her.
"That's right,"she replied. The blind man ate his snack and finished his drink. After drinking such a large amount, it was only natural his next stop was going to have to be the restroom. He asked the waitress for directions. She told him to turn left at the register and it would be the second door on the right.
He reached the first door and continued down the hall. A few steps later he stumbled slightly and missed the second door altogether and ended up going through the 3rd door instead. Not realizing he had entered the swimming area he walked forward and immediately fell into the swimming pool.
Remembering everything he had heard about things being bigger in Texas, as soon as he had his head above water he started shouting "Don't flush! Don't flush!"

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