Bars & Bartender Jokes and Funny Stories - 2

This is page 2 of jokes and funny stories about bars and bartenders.

A man walks into a bar and asks the barman, 'Was I in here last night?'
'You certainly were,' replies the barman.
'And did I spend a lot of money?'
'You spent over £100', replies the barman.
'Thank god for that,' says the man, 'I thought I'd wasted it.'

A man walks into a bar and asks, 'Do you serve women in this bar?'
'No,' replies the barman, 'you have to bring your own.'

Who said beer won't make you smarter? It made Bud wiser!

A guy runs in a bar and he asks the bartender for 24 shots of his finest whisky. When the bartender has poured the shots the guy drinks them down as fast as possible. The bartender says "wow I've never seen anyone drink that fast before" and the guy says "You would to if you had what I had" and the bartender says "What is it you have?" And the guy says "25 cents" and runs out of the bar.

A horse walks into a bar, he sits down and the bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"
Then a second horse walks in with jumper cables attached to it's head, he sits down, and the bartender says, "I don't mind the long face, but don't u go and try to start anything!"

A duck walks into bar,
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: no
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: no...
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: NO
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: NOOOOO!!!!!
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: If you ask that one more time I'm going to nail your bill to the counter.
Duck: got any nails?
Bartender: NO
Duck: got any bread?

Submitted by : Black Widow 

A cheese sandwich goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry: we don't serve food here."

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

Submitted by : sam 

There were these two strings walking down the road when they came to a bar. They decided to stop in and have a few drinks. So they sat down at a table and noticed that they were not going to be served. So the first string said that he would go up to the bar and get a couple of beers.
First string: Hey bartender, how about a couple of beers.
Bar tender: Sorry, but we don't serve strings here.
So the first string returned to the table and informed the second string of the problem. The second string said "no problem, I'll take care of this." So the second string stood up, Frazzeled his ends a bit and tied himself into a knot. He then walked up to the bar.. Second string: Hey bartender, how about a couple of beers.
Bar tender: Hey, aren't you a string?
Second string: I'm a frayed knot... they got the beers...

A man walks into a bar! ouch!!!

A Joke At Random

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.
As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing.

You can find more like this in the Jokes About Blondes category