British Jokes And Humour

What the British think is a humourous joke may be completely mystifying to people from other countries. That is why we have created this section for everyone who does find British jokes humourous (or even humorous). But you don't have to be British to view this section.
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Father Christmas

Last night there was a big fight in our local fish and chip shop - a lot of fish got battered.

I used to dress off the peg, but now my neighbours take in their washing at night.

Saliva drools O.K.

Postman: Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.
Man: No, it can't be for me, my name is Smith.

Submitted by : Joe

Avenue Road
What's wrong with the old one?

Submitted by : Joe

Villager: It was 'ere that Catherine of aragon was bitten by a mad dog.
Tourist: Tudor?
Villager: Yes, chewed 'er something 'orrible it did.

Old Lady: Do you always play by ear?
Street Musician: Yes, lady, 'ere or 'ereabouts.

What is white and furry and smells of peppermint?
A polo bear.

There has been a theft at Euro Disney. A man has been charged with taking the Mickey.

Honk your horn if you love peace and quiet.

A Joke At Random

This farmer said to his wife, 'We've been married fifty years. Why don't we kill the chicken tonight?'.
His wife said, 'Why kill the chicken? It's not his fault?'

You can find more like this in the Jokes About Marriage category