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British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories

British humour
This is our collection of British humour for you to laugh at, be amused by, or simply be completely puzzled as to why the British should find any of these jokes and funny stories even remotely funny. Hopefully you will enjoy at least some of them.

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What type of socks does a gardener like to wear when he is working?
Garden hose.

Doctor: So, tell me, what has brought you to this hospital?
Patient: An ambulance.

Submitted by: Stuart

What famous 60's song did Charles Dickens write?
Oliver Twist.

What does a shark like to eat for lunch?
Fish and ships!

Why was the dog unable to talk?
The cat got his tongue.


What do you call the people who are made of rubber and stand at the entrance to a nightclub?

Last night I got into a taxi and said to the driver, 'Robin Hood's Close'.
He said 'Don't worry, I'm sure that I can lose him at the next set of traffic lights'.

Did you hear that the police have put out a warning to house owners about a gang of men who recently failed in their attempt to steal the tiles from the roof of a local house?
The police said they were roofless criminals.

Why is it a bad idea to iron a four leaf clover?
Because you should never press your luck.

Dave: Did you hear that Fred has got a job at the bowling alley?
Joe: What tenpin?
Dave: No it's a permanent job.

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