Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals

Here are some jokes and funny stories about animals including dogs, horses and ducks.

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Every dog has its day, only a dog with a broken tail has a weak-end.

Joe: Last night the lion-tamer at the circus was attacked by his lions.
Brian: Was he clawed?
Joe: I don't know what is name was.

A man walked into a pet shop and said, 'I'd like a puppy for my son.'
'Sorry sir,' said the store owner, 'we don't do part exchange.'

Two dogs were walking along the road. One dog stopped and said: "My name is Fido. What's yours?
The other dog thought for a minute, and then replied: "I think it's Down Boy."

A women was considering buying an aging Thoroughbred but wanted a veterinarian's opinion of the horse before finalizing her deal. She asked when the vet had completed his examination - "Will I be able to race him?"
The veterinarian looked at the woman, then at the horse. "Sure" he replied, "and you'll probably win!"

A man was walking through a cemetery one dark and stormy night. As he got well into the cemetery, he heard a voice say, "Mark! Mark!". Pretending not to let it bother him, he pulled his coat a little tighter and kept walking. Again the voice said, "Mark! Mark!". That did it. He took off full speed and didn't stop till he was well outside the gates. As he stopped to catch his breath, the moon broke through the clouds enough so he could see what had been following him. It was a dog with a hare lip.

A vampire bat comes back to his fellow vampires with a blood on his mouth. They stare at him jealously and ask him where he got the blood. He asks them, "Did you see that tree back there?"
"Sure," they reply.
"Well I didn't!"

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Nothing succeeds like a budgie with no teeth.

My dog is a nuisance. He chases everyone on a bicycle. What can I do?
Take his bike away.

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