Jokes and Funny Stories about Pets - 2

 

This is page 2 of jokes and funny stories about pets.

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Once upon a time there was a cruise ship sailing. On board, a magician was giving a show to some passengers. The magician ALWAYS had a parrot on his shoulder. Whenever the magician told a joke, the parrot would give it away. One time the magician had a knife, he spun it around it dissappeared! The parrot said "It's in his pocket, it's in his pocket". The crowd booed him because the parrot gave it away. The next trick he did, he waved a wand around and it vanished. Again, the parrot said, "It's up his sleeve! It's up his sleeve!" The magician got mad because he couldn't keep any of his tricks secret. The parrot kept giving them away.
One day the cruise ship sank. The magician and the parrot managed to make it to an island where they stayed for about 3 months when the parrot, all of a sudden, burst out and asked:
"Ok, I give up! Where'd you hide the ship?"

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Sally: I've lost my dog.
Allie: Why don't you put an ad in the paper?
Sally: That wouldn't help. My dog can't read.

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Please help me find my lost dog. Here is his description:
One eye
Three legs
Ears chewed off
Broken tail
Answers to the name "Lucky"

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If Fairbanks Alaska passed a law outlawing all dogs, what would it be called?
Dogless Fairbanks!

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For protection, my father bought me a German Shepherd dog. He was a wonderful watchdog. One evening while I was being held up, he watched.

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This guy buys a parrot. Every morning he stands in front of the cage and asks in a pleasant voice "Can you talk?" This goes on for weeks with absolutely no response from the bird. Finally one morning, totally fed up, he shouts "CAN YOU TALK, YOU STUPID CREATURE? CAN YOU TALK?" The bird looks him in the eye and says "I can talk, all right. Can you fly?"

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I call my dog Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

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I used to have a fish as a pet. Poor little thing it was deaf. So I bought it a herring aid.

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'Do you know what happened when I washed my hamster in detergent?' 'No.' 'It died.' 'I'm not surprised. I could have told you detergent wasn't good for hamsters.' 'It wasn't the detergent that killed it. It was the spin-drier.'

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This man went to the pet shop to buy a red parrot. The pet-shop man said, 'I'm sorry, we've only got a blue one, but if you like I'll give you a pot of red paint and you can take him home and paint him.'
The man said, 'Great,' and off he went with the parrot and the pot of red paint.
The next day he came back. He said, 'Hey, that parrot's dead.
The pet shop man said, 'I don't believe it. There's no way pot of red paint would kill a parrot.'
The man said, 'No, it wasn't the red paint that killed him. It was trying to get the blue paint off with a blowlamp!'

A Joke At Random

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

You can find more like this in the Insults category