Jokes And Funny Stories About Pets

Pets are a good source of jokes and here are a few of them.

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A man went into a pet shop and asked the assistant if they had any dogs going cheap?
He replied, "Sorry sir all ours go woof."

My pet dog is a doberman pincher. All day he goes around pinching dobermans.

Would you like to play with my new dog?
He looks very fierce. Does he bite?
That's what I want to find out.

"Say have you seen my new dog?"
"Spitz?"
"No, but he drools a little."

Where do you take your dog if it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.

Where does Quasimodo keep his pet rabbit?
In a hutch, back of Notre Dame.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

A man at an auction sale started bidding for a parrot. The bidding went higher and higher, but finally the man bought the bird. Then he realised that he didn't even know if it could talk, so he asked the auctioneer.
"Of course it can talk," he replied. "Who do you think was bidding against you?"

Ever notice that when the doorbell rings, the dog's the first one to the door, but it's never for him?

Once upon a time there was a cruise ship sailing. On board, a magician was giving a show to some passengers. The magician ALWAYS had a parrot on his shoulder. Whenever the magician told a joke, the parrot would give it away. One time the magician had a knife, he spun it around it dissappeared! The parrot said "It's in his pocket, it's in his pocket". The crowd booed him because the parrot gave it away. The next trick he did, he waved a wand around and it vanished. Again, the parrot said, "It's up his sleeve! It's up his sleeve!" The magician got mad because he couldn't keep any of his tricks secret. The parrot kept giving them away.
One day the cruise ship sank. The magician and the parrot managed to make it to an island where they stayed for about 3 months when the parrot, all of a sudden, burst out and asked:
"Ok, I give up! Where'd you hide the ship?"

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A Joke At Random

Did you hear about the fool who keeps going around saying "no" anytime someone asks them a question?
No.
Oh, it's you!

You can find more like this in the Did You Hear? category