Jokes And Funny Stories About Sports - 2

This is page 2 of jokes and funny stories about sports.

A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.
"That's what I like to see", said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man".
As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well, he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."

What is the difference between baseball and law?
In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.

A little girl went to the Judge and asked to be taken away from her parents ...
Judge: "Little girl, don't you want to live with your Mommy?"
Little Girl: "No, my Mommy beats me."
Judge: "Little girl, don't you want to live with your Daddy?"
Little Girl: "No, my Daddy beats me too."
Judge: "Well little girl, who do you want to live with?"
Little Girl: "I want to live with the Cubs because they never beat anyone!"

Bill and I went golfing the other day. We were in the middle of the sixth fairway when Bill stopped in midswing and took off his hat in deference to a funeral procession that was passing by. Usually, he just played on ignoring all distractions. Impressed with his behavior, I did the same. When the procession had passed, I asked him, "Bill, that was damn respectful of you to pause for a procession like that. Why the unusual behavior?" "It's the least I could do for my wife ..."

A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint.
"Well it's like this Doc, whenever I play golf, I fall in love with the beautiful, lush fairways and greens we are playing on, and I just burst into song."
"What's wrong with that?" said the doc.
Well all I ever sing when we're on the course is 'The Green Green Grass of Home' and it's annoying my colleagues.
But there's more .... When we get back to the clubhouse, in the bar is the lucky black cat that lives at the club, then at the top of my voice I start singing" 'What's new, pussy cat?' and all I get is a barrage of complaint from the other members in the bar.
"Can't you sing some different tunes?" said the doctor.
"Well no, I just can't seem to sing anything else, but then it gets worse because when I get home, it continues and when I'm asleep and dreaming, I always sing 'Delilah', and my wife is increasingly getting really angry and suspicious. But I just can't seem to stop singing these same tunes"
"Ah, yes I see, I am beginning to suspect that you have the early symptoms of Tom Jones syndrome".
"Well I've never heard of that, is it common?" asked the man.
"It's not unusual", replied the doctor.

A good friend of mine, living in northern Michigan, decided to go ice fishing. He gathered up all of his tackle and moved out on the ice. He started to auger a hole in the ice when he heard a voice boom out from above:
'There are no fish here!' He thought for a few moments, gathered up his stuff, then moved a little farther down the ice. He started to auger a new hole in the ice when he heard the voice boom out from above:
'There are no fish here!!'
So, he gathered up his stuff again, moved a little farther down the ice, then started to augher another hole in the ice. Again he heard the voice boom out from above:
'I said, there are no fish here!!!'
He sheepishly asked: 'Is that you god?'
To which the booming voice replied:
'No, I'm the rink manager'

All the best chess players were at a big tournament. They hung out for the first hour in the hallway, bragging to each other about all their recent victories. Suddenly, the hotel manager threw them all out of the hallway. When asked why, he replied: "I hate chess nuts boasting by an open foyer!"

PAR: What a golf addict's children call their father.

A soccer fan took his new girlfriend to a match for the first time, and answered all her questions as she inquired about the function of every player.
'And what's that man in front of the net?' she asked.
'He's the goal-keeper.'
'And what does he do?'
'He has to keep the ball from going in the net.'
'Ah. And how much is he paid?'
'Oh, about 2000 pounds a week.'
'Oh,' said the girl, 'wouldn't it be cheaper to board it up?'

A man and his wife were watching golf on tv and the sound on the commentary was rather low. The woman went to turn it up. 'Ssh,' said the husband, 'ssh. Not while he's putting.'

A Joke At Random

Having just received a great promotion, John was excited about his new position, new status and new office. He was checking through the desk vacated by his predecessor when he came upon a letter, attached to three envelopes, made out to him. The letter told him that if he got into trouble he should open the first envelope. "Make sure you open them in order and only if there is a real emergency," warned the letter. John laughed but filed the envelopes away. Sure enough, within a month he felt the heat and decided to give envelope number one a chance. He opened it and it said, "Blame your predecessor!" So John went to his boss and told him how the bum he had replaced had messed things up and that it would take him time to get things back on track. And, with hard work, he did get the problems resolved. Everything went fine for several more months before, once again, all hell broke loose. In desperation, John opened the second letter. It advised him to "Reorganize!" So John went to his boss and told him the solution would mean a drastic reorganization. After this was done relative calm prevailed. But the day inevitably came when another disaster struck. With trembling hands, John opened the third, and final, envelope. The advice? "Make up three more envelopes!"

You can find more like this in the Miscellaneous Jokes category