Jokes and Funny Stories about Sports - 2

This is page 2 of jokes and funny stories about sports.

In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.

What goes 'putt, putt, putt, putt'?
A poor golfer.

Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.

A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.
"That's what I like to see", said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man".
As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well, he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."

What is the difference between baseball and law?
In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.

A little girl went to the Judge and asked to be taken away from her parents ...
Judge: "Little girl, don't you want to live with your Mommy?"
Little Girl: "No, my Mommy beats me."
Judge: "Little girl, don't you want to live with your Daddy?"
Little Girl: "No, my Daddy beats me too."
Judge: "Well little girl, who do you want to live with?"
Little Girl: "I want to live with the Cubs because they never beat anyone!"

Bill and I went golfing the other day. We were in the middle of the sixth fairway when Bill stopped in midswing and took off his hat in deference to a funeral procession that was passing by. Usually, he just played on ignoring all distractions. Impressed with his behavior, I did the same. When the procession had passed, I asked him, "Bill, that was damn respectful of you to pause for a procession like that. Why the unusual behavior?" "It's the least I could do for my wife ..."

A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint.
"Well it's like this Doc, whenever I play golf, I fall in love with the beautiful, lush fairways and greens we are playing on, and I just burst into song."
"What's wrong with that?" said the doc.
Well all I ever sing when we're on the course is 'The Green Green Grass of Home' and it's annoying my colleagues.
But there's more .... When we get back to the clubhouse, in the bar is the lucky black cat that lives at the club, then at the top of my voice I start singing" 'What's new, pussy cat?' and all I get is a barrage of complaint from the other members in the bar.
"Can't you sing some different tunes?" said the doctor.
"Well no, I just can't seem to sing anything else, but then it gets worse because when I get home, it continues and when I'm asleep and dreaming, I always sing 'Delilah', and my wife is increasingly getting really angry and suspicious. But I just can't seem to stop singing these same tunes"
"Ah, yes I see, I am beginning to suspect that you have the early symptoms of Tom Jones syndrome".
"Well I've never heard of that, is it common?" asked the man.
"It's not unusual", replied the doctor.

A good friend of mine, living in northern Michigan, decided to go ice fishing. He gathered up all of his tackle and moved out on the ice. He started to auger a hole in the ice when he heard a voice boom out from above:
'There are no fish here!' He thought for a few moments, gathered up his stuff, then moved a little farther down the ice. He started to auger a new hole in the ice when he heard the voice boom out from above:
'There are no fish here!!'
So, he gathered up his stuff again, moved a little farther down the ice, then started to augher another hole in the ice. Again he heard the voice boom out from above:
'I said, there are no fish here!!!'
He sheepishly asked: 'Is that you god?'
To which the booming voice replied:
'No, I'm the rink manager'

All the best chess players were at a big tournament. They hung out for the first hour in the hallway, bragging to each other about all their recent victories. Suddenly, the hotel manager threw them all out of the hallway. When asked why, he replied: "I hate chess nuts boasting by an open foyer!"

A Joke At Random

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.
I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up.
She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently, although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them".
I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi?
I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my g/f. I think deep downI just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her.
I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a veiw of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.
So what should I do? Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Halfords and try to repair it myself?

You can find more like this in the Girlfriends category