Jokes and Funny Stories For Children - 11

This is page 11 of jokes and funny stories for children.

My mum was in hospital, and the doctor said, 'Listen, I want you to drink a Guinness after your bath every day.'
My mum said, 'If I drink my bath I won't have room for a Guinness.'

My brother read a book about Davy Crockett.
He said, 'Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?'
I said, 'No, I didn't.'
He said, 'Well he did you know. He had a right ear, a left ear and a wild frontear.'

There were these two cannibals having their tea. One said to the other, 'I don't like your friend.'
The other one said, 'Well put him to one side and just eat the greens.'

My brother said, 'I'm going to become a forger. I'm going to make some big money.'
I said, 'Don't make it too big or someone'll notice.'

My brother said, 'I've just been reading a book about Samson. He was an amazing comedian.',br> I said, 'Was he really?'
My brother said, 'Yes, he brought the house down.'

My brother said, 'I want a job as a human cannonball.'
I said, 'I'll bet you get fired.'

My uncle said to me, 'Ants have got amazing brains.'
I said, 'Have they?'
He said, 'Yes. Have you noticed how they always know when you're having a picnic.'

My sister came running in from the kitchen. She said, 'Dad, there's a black cat out there.',br> My dad said, 'So what? Black cats are lucky.'
My sister said, 'This one is. It's just eaten your lunch.'

Did you hear about the steamroller driver who ran over a biscuit?
He said, 'Crumbs.'

My uncle said, 'The RSPCA are going to closedown my fish and chip shop.'
I said, 'Why's that?'
He said, 'They think I'm battering the fish.'

A Joke At Random

My new girlfriend has lovely long brown hair all down her back. It's just a shame that she doen't have any on her head.

You can find more like this in the Girlfriends category