Jokes and Funny Stories For Children - 5

This is page 5 of jokes and funny stories for children.

Did you hear about the cement truck that crashed into the prison bus?
They ended up with a bunch of hardened criminals.

How do you make a sausage roll?
Push it.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.

How does Batman's wife call him for dinner?
Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner - Batman!

A man and a giraffe walked into a bar. The man asked for a drink and one for the giraffe. They drank it and had another one, then another and another. The man got up and went to walk out, the giraffe tried to follow and fell over. The bar man said don't leave that lying round here and the man said, it's not a lion, its a giraffe.

What is the most popular sentence at school?
I don't know.

What did the egg in the monastery say?
'Out of the frying-pan, into the friar.'

There was an English man a Irish man and a Scottish man. They went to a funfair and they all wanted to go on a magic slide. So when they got there, the man said whatever you say going down the slide you will land in, so the English man went down and said Gold. Then the Scottish man went down and said Silver, then the irish man went down but wasn't listening so went down and said weeeeeeee and landed in a pot of wee!!! Ha ha Ha Boom Boom

Submitted by : Rosie,Emzie and Dannie 

Laura woke up late for school, she was 10 minutes late. She rushed into school. Her teacher asked her, why are you so late, and Laura replied, "oh did I miss something?"

Submitted by : Sonia Timberlake 

"My old Dad told me, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin."

A Joke At Random

On the glass door of the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF THE DOG!. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor next to the cash register. He asked the storekeeper, "Is THAT the dog we are supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but laugh. "It certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world do you need that sign?"
"Because," the storekeeper replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

You can find more like this in the Animal Jokes category