Jokes And Funny Stories For Children - 7

This is page 7 of jokes and funny stories for children.

What did they say to King Harold at the battle of Hastings?
Cor! Get an eyeful of those arrows!

What do spotty people go riding in?
Acne carriages.

What flies through the jungle singing opera?
The parrots of Penzance.

Where does Tarzan buy his underpants?
In a jungle sale.

How did Quasimodo know the end was near?
He had a hunch.

And which really horrible Mother Superior went all over Europe beating people up?
Attila the Nun.

My brother said, 'I've got this awful job down on the farm. I'm up to my elbows in manure all day.'
I said, 'Well at least it'll stop you biting your nails.'

My uncle said, 'I've got this woodpecker with no beak. What shall I call him?'
I said, 'A headbanger.

My dad said to me, 'Son, today I fought off the powers of darkness.'
I said, 'How did you do that?'
He said, 'I paid the electricity bill.'

This kid said to me, 'My dad can beat your dad up.'
I said to him, 'That's nothing. So can my mum.'

A Joke At Random
When Big Peter McFlannel dies in Glasgow, his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once, so she goes to the newspaper and says "I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband"
The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"
The old woman replies "£5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok".
So the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads "Peter McFlannel, fae Parkheid, deid".
The clerk feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hands the paper over the counter again.
The clerk then reads, "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid deid. Ford Escort for sale."
You can find more like this in the Scottish Jokes category

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