Jokes and Funny Stories For Children - 9

This is page 9 of jokes and funny stories for children.

This vicar said, 'I like graveyards. They're never deserted.'
The sexton said, 'Really Father, why's that?'
The vicar said, 'Well there's always some body there.'

This antique dealer was trying to sell a man a skull. He said, 'It's Oliver Cromwell's skull you know.'
The man said, 'It can't be, it's not big enough.'
The dealer said, 'It's Cromwell's skull when he was a little boy.'

There were these two eggs in the monastery frying pan. One said to the other, 'You know something? Any minute now it's going to be out of the frying pan into the friar.'

My uncle said, 'I'm going to do a dangerous experiment. I'm going to cross an elephant with a mouse.' My uncle said, 'Great big holes in the skirting board.'

My brother was banging his. head on a brick wall. I said, 'What're you doing that for?'
He said, 'Because it's a lovely feeling when I stop.'

My brother said, 'Mum, I'm feeling sick as a dog.'
My mum said, 'Hang on, I'll call the vet.'

When we were kids my mum and dad took us to a French restaurant. My brother said, 'Mum, can I have some frogs legs?'
My mum said, 'Why, what's wrong with your own?'

My sister went to first aid lessons. They said, 'What's the first thing you'd do if a man was blown up by dynamite?'
My sister said, 'Wait for him to come down.'

My brother came running in He said, 'Mum, there's a man outside with a broken arm called Brian.'
My mum said, 'That's a funny name for a broken arm.'

This girl went to the doctor. She said, 'I keep thinking there's two of me.
The doctor said, just wait and 'I'll deal with you one at a time.'

A Joke At Random

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question. The prosecutor again blared, "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

You can find more like this in the Lawyers category