Medical Jokes And Funny Stories

Jokes and funny stories about the medical profession.

Last night I was going to kill myself by swallowing a handful of asprins - but after taking the first two I felt much better.

scalpel.....sutures......clamp......ooopss......pen.......death certificate....

Medical definition: Barium. What you do if CPR fails.

Medical definition: Dilate. To live too long.

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.
Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.
Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.
"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," John explained.
"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily.
"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

A man was seriously injured in a car accident, severely damaging his legs. As soon as the emergency room doctor examined him, he knew the one of the man's legs must be amputated. He was taken to surgery, where, due to an administrative error, the good leg was amputated. The mistake was discovered while the man was in the recovery room, so he was taken back into surgery and the bad leg also amputated.
When the man found out what had happened from a nurse who was present during the entire procedure, the man decided to sue the doctor and the hospital. He consulted the best attorney in town, who, after going over the man's claim, advised him against seeking damages.
"What," the man exclaimed, "this is the most clear cut case of outright negligence I have ever heard of."
"That may be true," the lawyer replied, "but frankly you don't have a leg to stand on."