Home / Medical Jokes - Page 1

Medical Jokes - Page 1

Here is our selection of jokes and funny stories about the medical profession.
medical humor


This is page 1 of 2.


$text4
What blood type are pessimists?
B-negative.
$text4
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a famous medical school. "Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be in ten years time?"
"Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon so I guess that I'll be on the golf course by now.
$text4
Which famous Dutch painter always had a very bad cold?
Vincent Van Cough.
$text4
Last night I was going to kill myself by swallowing a handful of asprins - but after taking the first two I felt much better.
$text4
scalpel.....sutures......clamp......ooopss......pen.......death certificate....
$text4
Medical definition: Barium. What you do if CPR fails.
$text4
Medical definition: Dilate. To live too long.
$text4
My friend just fell in love with the head nurse at the hospital where he is - I guess you can say that he's taken a turn for the nurse!

Submitted by: Brian
$text4
John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.
Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.
Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.
"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," John explained.
"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily.
"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough."
$text4
I had quite an experience today. I was in the mall parking lot and there was this woman getting in her car. She was about to close the door when this other woman tried to park beside her and hit her car, slamming the door on her foot. I ran over to see what I could do to help. The door had completely severed the woman's big toe off. I tried to stop the bleeding as much as I could, then ran to the phone and called an ambulance. The ambulance arrived and as the paramedics were stuffing her into the ambulance I asked one of the paramedics "Aren't you going to take her toe along so the doctor can sew it back on?". "Nope", said the paramedic, "you need to call a toe truck for that."

You are currently on page 1 of 2

1 2 Next


Adverts