Miscellaneous Jokes And Funny Stories - 11

 

This is page 11 of miscellaneous jokes and funny stories.

---

I'm not going deaf. I'm ignoring you.

---

Paranoids are people, too they have their own problems.
It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

---

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?

---

"Do you think what we're doing is wrong?"
"Of course it's wrong! It's illegal!"
"I've never done anything illegal before."
"I thought you said you were an accountant!"

Submitted by : Jacky 

---

Two snowmen standing in a field one turns to the other and says "can you smell carrots??".

Submitted by : Stacer 

---

A new porter at a Paris hotel was instructed by the manager that it was important to call the guests by their names in order to make them feel welcome, and that the easiest way to find out their name was to look at their luggage. Armed with this advice, the porter took two guests up to their rooms, put down their bags and said, "I hope you 'ave a very 'appy stay 'ere in Paris, Mr and Mrs Genuine Cow'ide."

---

A train in India was going very, very slowly, and a group of American tourists were growing increasingly impatient. Finally, when it stopped for about the hundredth time, one of the tourists got out, walked to the front of the train, and asked the train-driver, 'can't you go any faster?'
'Oh, yes sir' replied the driver, 'but I've not allowed to leave the train.'

---

Question: how do you call a deer with no eyes.
Answer: No idea.

Submitted by : Stephen Sergbor 

---

"During WW2, the French resistance fighters, in their finest hour, bravely threw sticks of dynamite at the advancing German troops." "The Germans then lit them and threw them back."

Submitted by : Stevan Hogg 

---

French President Jaques Chirac, tired of all of the anti-french jokes, since the start of the invasion of Iraq, has announced with great national pride that the super secret French Space Agency will send the first manned mission of three French astronauts to land, and walk on the Sun.
President Chirac stated "This mission will be of historic importance to the world, and restore France's rightful place in the history of the world."
NASSA space scientist's, stunned at the news, asked Mr. Chirca what technology they had developed to keep the astronauts from burning up long before they reached the Sun?
The French President sniffed and replied "Don't be stupid, we are going at night".

Submitted by : Stevan Hogg 

A Joke At Random

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

You can find more like this in the Computer Programmer & Users category