Miscellaneous Jokes and Funny Stories - 2

This is page 2 of miscellaneous jokes and funny stories.

What international award might you win if you reduce your weight by 40lbs?
The Nobelly Prize.

Where would you go to see a man-eating fish?
A seafood restaurant.

What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right hand?
Your right elbow.

I was a war baby. My parents took one look at me and started fighting.

I drank eight cokes and burped 7-up

I used to work as a glass blower, but had to give it up as it gave me a pane.

Good turns make me dizzy

A man was sitting on a bus chewing gum and staring vacantly into space. Suddenly the old woman sitting opposite him said, "It's no good you talking to me young man, I'm stone deaf."

Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

According to a recent survey by the Academy of Incomplete Research, nine out of ten people are

A Joke At Random

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

You can find more like this in the Jokes About Blondes category