Miscellaneous Jokes and Funny Stories - 6

 

This is page 6 of miscellaneous jokes and funny stories.

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I don't eat snails - I only eat fast food.

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Passer-by: What are you digging for?
Workman: Money.
Passer-by: And when do you expect to get it?
Workman: Pay-day.

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Join the Hernia Society. It needs your support.

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My brother is so stupid he thinks that aroma is someone who travels a lot.

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Two fishermen were out in their boat one day when a hand appeared out of the water.
"What's that?" asked the first fisherman. "It looks like someone's drowning."
"Nonsense," said the second. "It was just a little wave."

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A physicist, a chemist and an economist are stranded on an island with nothing to eat. A can of soup washes ashore. The physicist says, "Let's smash the can open with a rock." The chemist says, "Let's build a fire and heat the can first." The economist says, "Let's assume that we have a can-opener..."

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Kinder, Gentler Ways to Say Someone is Stupid

A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

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A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns.
He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.
The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service.
As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "Do you think we should tell him it's a septic tank?"

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Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose!
TRY it now!
Follow this simple procedure:
1. Open a new text or word document
2. Hold down the shift key.
3. Hit the 4 key four times.

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An elderly couple is lying in bed one morning having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me!"
"Why not," he asks.
She answers back, "Because I'm dead."
The husband says to her, "What on earth are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."
The wife says, "Not so, I'm definitely dead."
Her husband insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"
His wife answers, "I know I'm dead, because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.

A Joke At Random

What did the cannibal say when he met the famous explorer?
Doctor Livingstone, I consume?

You can find more like this in the Cannibal Jokes category