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Random Jokes and Funny Stories

 

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Intelligence Tests

Stupid people should have stupid signs....
One day I was sitting on the SCHOOL bus and a new guy came on, sat beside me and asked "You going to school?"
"Nope!" I said, "I just wanted to see where this bus was head'n to.
"....."Here's your sign."

Located in the Intelligence Tests section

Submitted by : Daryl Matheson 

Computers

Who surfs the Internet and goes, 'Choo, Choo'?
Thomas the Search Engine.

Located in the Computers section

Did You Hear?

Did you hear about the stupid shoplifter?
He was found squashed under a shop.

Located in the Did You Hear? section

Miscellaneous

Do you feel like a glass of orange juice?
Why? Do I look like one?

Located in the Miscellaneous section

Office

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

Located in the Office section

Questions

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Located in the Questions section

Girlfriends

I used to invite this gal to my apartment to help me make hamburgers.
I called her my grille friend!

Located in the Girlfriends section

Lawyers

A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

Located in the Lawyers section

Animals

A man was out for a walk one day and on his travels he wandered through a farm. Strangely, he saw a pig with a wooden leg! This intrigued him so much he found the farmer and quizzed him about it.
"This be no ordinary pig" said the farmer. "For example, only two days ago there was a fire in the chicken shed when I was away from the farm. The pig noticed this and immediately went and let all the chickens out into the yard. He then phoned for the fire brigade and came straight back to hold the fire until they arrived!"
"And a few weeks ago, I was driving my tractor down a steep hill, when I lost control and the vehicle overturned - knocking me unconscious! The pig saw this, phoned for the ambulance and then rushed to the tractor and pulled me clear of the cab just before it set on fire."
The farmer was just about to launch into another tale when the man said "Yes yes, but what about the wooden leg?"
"Well" said the farmer "when you've got an pig as good as that, you don't eat it all at once!"

Located in the Animals section



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