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The Joke of the Day

On this page you will find todays 'Joke of the Day' plus the listings for the last seven days. There is a different joke every day of the year.

You will also be able to view the archive from past weeks.

The Joke of the day for Tuesday, July 25th, 2017

The Three Bears returned one sunny sunday morning from a stroll in the woods to find the door of their little house open. Cautiously, they went inside. After a while, big Daddy Bear's deep voice boomed out, "Someone's been eating MY porridge!" Mummy Bear gave a yelp, "Someone's been eating MY porridge!", she said. Little Baby Bear rushed in, "Forget the porridge - someone's nicked the DVD player!"

The Joke of the Day Archive

This is our archive where you can view previous 'Joke of the Day' listings.

Here is page 1 of our archive and it currently covers from Tuesday, July 18th, 2017 to Monday, July 24th, 2017.

There are 12 pages in this archive and each page covers seven days.

The Joke of the day for Monday, July 24th, 2017

What do refrigeration engineers do in their spare time?
They chill out.

The Joke of the day for Sunday, July 23rd, 2017

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

The Joke of the day for Saturday, July 22nd, 2017

What do you call an overweight ghost that haunts an opera house?
The fat-tum of the opera.

The Joke of the day for Friday, July 21st, 2017

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were each left £10,000 by a rich man on condition that after his death each put £100 pounds in his coffin in case he needed it in the afterlife.
The Englishman put in 100 pounds, the Irishman put in 100 pounds and the Scotsman took out the two hundred pounds and put in a cheque for three hundred.

The Joke of the day for Thursday, July 20th, 2017

These two explorers were lost in the desert. One of them went on ahead. When he came back he said, 'There's some good news and some bad news. The bad news is we're going to have to eat sand.'
His friend said, 'So, what's the good news?'
The first one said, 'There's plenty of it.'

The Joke of the day for Wednesday, July 19th, 2017

What do you call a poster advertising the last teddy for sale?
A one ted poster.

The Joke of the day for Tuesday, July 18th, 2017

When Sandy MacGillivray came back from his first trip to London, everyone in the village was keen to find out how he had got on.
"Did you like it?"
"Oh, it was no' bad."
"As good as that, Was it?"
"Well, there was just the one thing wrong. The other guests in my hotel just would not go to their beds. They were in the corridor ouside my room shouting and banging on my door untill three o'clock in the morning." So what did you do, Sandy?"
"Och, I just kept on playing my bagpipes."

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