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American Humor - Jokes and Funny Stories - Page 4


Here is more of our selection of American jokes and humor.


This is page 4 of 6.


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Little old lady at US immigration.
OFFICIAL: Do you advocate the overthrow of the government by violence or subversion?
(Pause for thought)
LITTLE OLD LADY: Violence, I think.
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A cowboy rides into town, goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen. He walks into the bar, and fires his gun through the ceiling. "WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he yells. No-one answers. "ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS". He gets another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back, so he get's on it and makes to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks "Say partner, what happened in Texas?". The cowboy turns to him and says "I had to walk all the way home..."
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A cowboy rides into town, hitches up his horse and walks into a bar. He goes up, gets a beer, drinks it, and walks out. Half a second passes and he bursts back into the bar and says "ALRIGHT WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERS PAINTED MY HORSE'S FACE YELLOW?". A huge man-mountain stands up, looks down at the cowboy and says "I DID". The cowboy looks up at him and whispers "The first coat's dry".
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The poor guy walks up to the rich guy's house. He's down on his luck and needs some money. He rings the doorbell. "Hi there, I'm down on my luck, need some money, and I was wondering if you have any work I could do for you?" The rich Guy decides to give him a break, and says: "Sure, my porch needs painting. I'll pay you 50 dollars to do it for me." "Sure thing, Mister, I'll get started right away!" Time passes, until... "Hey Mister, I'm all done painting!" "Well, here's your 50 dollars" "Thanks, and by the way, it's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west!
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These four guys were walking down the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.
A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"
The Saudi says, "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "Excuse me, what's meat?"
The North Korean says, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?"
The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"
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Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
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Surprise! You are the lucky winner of random I.R.S. Audit! Just type in your name and social security number.
Please remember that leaving the room is punishable under law:
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The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:
Support your right to bare arms!
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"This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?"

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