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Jokes About Bars - Page 1

Here is our selection of jokes and funny stories about bars and bartenders. There are 27 jokes in this category.

This is page 1 of 3. Showing jokes 1 to 10

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look really sad. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in just three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!"
What did the barman say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?
Olive or twist?
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending too much time at the pub, so one night he decided to take her along with him. "What would you like?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replied. So the husband ordered a couple of beers. When they came, he drank his down in one go. His wife took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that tastes horrible! I don't know how you can drink this ghastly stuff night after night."
"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you thought I was out enjoying myself every night!"
Two television sets walk into a bar and the barman says "sorry, but we don't serve your kind in this bar".
One television turns to the other and says "I thought that we'd get a better reception than this in here".
Two fonts walk into a bar. The barman says to them, "Get out. We don't serve your type in here."
A is standing drinking at the bar when the man next to him whispers, 'do you want to buy any pirate DVD's?'
'No thanks, I hate Treasure Island.'
The man who goes into a bar very optimistically usually leaves it very misty optically.
A man walks into a pub and sees Vincent Van Gogh standing at the bar. The man says 'I love your paintings, can I buy you a drink?'
Vincent replies, 'No thanks I've got one ear.'
I'm watching my drinking, so now I only visit bars that have mirrors on the walls.
What do you call a woman who goes into a bar and starts to juggle with the drinks?
Beatrix (beer tricks).

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