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British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories - Page 10


More of our British style of humour


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Let him who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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Johnny wanted to look suave for the local dance so he slipped into the local barber shop. "I want a Tony Curtis haircut." So Taffy started trimming around the back with the clippers. Then he started going higher and higher with them till Johnny started to get a bit worried. But like most barbers, this one had verbal diarrhea, and was yapping non stop about movies and movie stars. "Yeah, I like Tony Curtis too." as he trimmed up and over Johnny's ears. "Wasn't he great in 'The King and I'?"
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In the mid-sixties, there was a hippy named Benny in San Francisco. Benny was real hip, but he just couldn't grow a beard like the rest of the flower child guys in Haight-Ashbury (Hashbury). One day Benny met up with a Gypsy Lady who liked him enough to grant him a wish, so, naturally, Benny wished for a beard. Gypsy Lady granted the wish but warned Benny to ALWAYS wear the beard, never cut it off. Well, the years went by, the flower children aged, the hippoy movement sorta died out, Benny went on to a career as a successful financial adviser. Benny decided the beard no longer fit his image so, ignoring the Gypsy Lady's warnings, he shaved it off. **POOF** Benny disintegrated into a pile of ashes, the janitor swept him up and deposited him in a jar.
Moral of the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

Submitted by: Bill
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An English tourist is on holiday in a Cornish village when he spots what is obviously the village idiot sitting next to the horse trough. In his hand is an old stick, and tied to the end is a piece of string which is dangling in the water. The tourist decides to humour the fellow and asks: "Have you caught anything yet?" The village idiot looks up and studies the stranger, before saying: "Aye, you be the seventh today."
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How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
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Guy Fawkes was the sanest man who ever went into the Houses of Parliament - and look what happened to him.
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Brian: What kind of dog is that?
Terry: A police dog.
Brian: Are you sure, it doesn't look much like a police dog.
Terry: That's because it's a plain-clothes police dog.
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Teacher: Where was Magna Carta signed?
Pupil: At the bottom.
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Boy: Sir, I'd like your daughter for my wife.
Father: Can't she get one of her own?
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What's the wife of a hippie called?
Mississippi.

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