British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories - Page 18

The famous Statesman, William Penn, had two old aunts named Natalie and Ellie who were great at baking pies. But, alas, they got greedy and raised the prices up and up till all the people in Quakertown were talking about the pie rates of Penn's aunts.

An intrepid photographer went to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost which was said to appear only once in a hundred years. Not wanting to frighten off the ghost, the photographer sat in the dark until midnight when the apparition became visible. The ghost turned out to be friendly and consented to pose for one snapshot. The happy photographer popped a bulb into his camera and took the picture. After dashing into his studio, the photographer developed the negative and groaned. It was underexposed and completely blank. The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.

We were all in a car and it wouldn't start, so I told everyone to be quiet, and then it started right up! Why??
Cause it goes without saying...

Denial: A river in Egypt!

Coincide: What you do when it starts to rain!

Bacteria: The rear portion of the cafeteria!

Acoustic: Instrument used in billiards!

"Who was that lady I seen you with last night?"
"You mean 'I saw.'"
"Ok, who was that eyesore I seen you with last night?"

Customer: I'd like a pair of stockings for my wife.
Storekeeper: Sheer?
Customer: No, she's at home.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
About half way.