British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories - Page 3

What did Brian say when he wanted his older brother to stop holding his plastic building bricks?
Lego.

Where did the dog breeder deposit his savings?
In Bark-lays Bank.

What purrs quietly along the road and leaves holes in your lawn?
A Moles Royce.

What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game? "Sorry, it was a freak hic."

What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.

What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.

Why did the bees go on strike?
Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.

Did you hear about the man who entered a pun contest in a newspaper. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win the prize. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A gang of thieves broke into a blood bank last night and stole a hundred pints of blood. Police are still hunting for the clots.

What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical?
Fiddler on the hoof.