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British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories - Page 4

More of our British style of humour

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Which American duo became famous for stealing horses?
Bonnie and Clydesdale.
What did the woman say to the undertaker when he started hitting his broken down funeral car?
Stop beating a dead hearse.
Doctor, Doctor I've got rotten teeth, bad breath and smelly feet.
Sounds like you've got Foot and Mouth disease!
Doctor Doctor I feel like biscuits!
What, you mean those square ones?
The ones you put butter on?
Well, that means you're crackers!
Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place?
He was sacked for making a grave mistake.
Policeman: Why are you driving your car in circles?
Motorist: I was just going for a little spin.
Why did the bus stop?
Because it saw the zebra crossing.
What does an oyster do on his birthday?
He shellabrates.
One day a Viking named Leif returned after a long sea voyage and found that during his absence his name had been removed from the town register. He sent his wife to the town hall make a complaint to the mayor.
'I'm sorry,' said the mayor, 'I must have taken Leif off my census.'

Submitted by: George
What is a water otter?
A kettle.

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