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British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories - Page 7


More of our British style of humour


This is page 7 of 16.

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Two little old ladies were walking through the park one Sunday afternoon. The band was playing a catchy sounding tune, and one of the old ladies said, "I wonder what the name of that tune is". The other one noticed a sign posted near the bandstand and said, "It looks like they post the names of their selections. I'll go down and see". A while later she came back and told her companion, "It's the Refrain from Spitting".
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A hermit was arrested after driving a hundred miles an hour, the charge was recluse driving.
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A man was reading The Canterbury Tales at breakfast one saturday morning.
His wife asked "What have you got there?"
"Just my cup and Chaucer."
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When William Shakespeare went swimming one day he was obsessed with the notion that moths had been feeding on the back of his trunks! He asked a friend to investigate and make a thorough search. The friend replied, "No holes, bard."
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A man was walking down the street and he met a small boy. The man asked what was his name.
The boy replied, 'six and seven-eighths.'
The man asked him why his parents had given him such a strange name, and he replied, 'they just picked it out of a hat.'
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A man wants into a bar and asks for a pint of lager and a packet of helicopter crisps.
'Sorry', said the barman, 'we don't have any helicoper crisps, we only have plane.'
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A man goes into a fish and chip shop and says 'Can I have fish and chips twice please?'
The shop owner says, 'I heard you the first time.'
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A policeman walked over to a parked car and asked the driver if the car was licensed. 'Of course it is,' replied the driver.
'Great, I'll have a pint then.'
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Railway Porter (cheerfully) - Miss the train, sir?
Passenger - No, I didn't like the look of it, so I chased it out of the station.

Submitted by: Freddy
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Old lady (to street musician) - Do you always play br ear?
Street Musician - Yes, lady, 'ere or 'ereabouts.

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