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Joke Topic - 'Burglars'


Here are 3 jokes on the topic - 'Burglars'.

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A woman woke her husband one night and said, 'There's a burglar in the kitchen eating my home-made steak and kidney pie!'
'Oh dear: said her husband. 'Who shall I call, police or ambulance?'
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Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The frightened burglar stopped dead. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes", replied the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the doberman Jesus."
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What do you call a man who breaks into a meat factory?
A hamburglar.


Here are some randomly selected joke topics

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Airplanes

What is red and green and jumps out of airplanes?
A parrot-trooper.
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Quiet

It was so quiet you could have heard a cough drop.
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Wife

How old is your wife?
Approaching forty.
Yes, but from which direction?
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Marriage

When Marriage is Outlawed,
Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
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Bell

Q: What did they award the man that invented the door knocker?
A: The No-bell Prize.
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Dandruff

Is your name Dan Druff?
You always get into people's hair.
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Squirrels

Why do sqirrels always 'live happily ever afterwards'?
Because they have furry tail ends.
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Waiter

Waiter, waiter, this food isn't fit for a pig.'
'Very good sir. I'll go and get you some that is.'
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Chaos

Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.

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