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Joke Topic - 'Cars'


Here are 31 jokes on the topic - 'Cars'.

Related Topics: Car Drivers (2) Motorists (6) Motorist (2)
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"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."
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'You wouldn't think I'd bought this car second-hand, would you?'
'No, I thought you'd made it yourself.'
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A boss shows one of his staff his brand new sports car. "That is an amazing car," the employee responds.
"Isn’t it?" replies the boss. "But if you can set your goals higher and work even harder this year, then I can get a much more expensive car next year."
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A man in a Jaguar passed a mini that had broken down by the side of the road. Being a kindly driver, he stopped and fixed a tow-rope to it and began towing it to the nearest garage.
After 10 minutes of towing, a Porsche passed them at high speed. The Jaguar driver was not going to be outdone by a Porsche, so, forgetting that he had a mini in tow, slammed his foot down and the Jaguar and Porsche indulged in a high-speed race down the road, the Skoda and it's occupant trailing wildly about at the end of the rope frantically trying to attract their attention and failing.
A Police car saw them and gave chase. The Police driver radioed back to Headquarters "Sarge, you'll never believe this, I've just seen a Porsche and a Jaguar neck and neck doing 150 mph - and a bloke in a mini flashing his lights, blowing his horn and trying to overtake them!"
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A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
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A policeman walked over to a parked car and asked the driver if the car was licensed. 'Of course it is,' replied the driver.
'Great, I'll have a pint then.'
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After a car crash one of the drivers is lying injured at the side of the road. 'Don't worry,' said a policeman, a Red Cross nurse is coming to attend to you.'
Oh no,' groaned the victim, 'couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one?'
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Do me a favor...Steal this car.
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If this car was a horse I'd have to shoot it.
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If tires hold up cars, what holds up airplanes?
Hijackers.

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