Joke Topic - 'Cereal'

What is:
peck, peck, peck, BANG, peck, peck, peck BANG??
A chicken in a minefield...

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

What do you call a spaceship that is always saying sorry?
An Apollo G.

Doctor, doctor, what's the best cure for water on the knee?
A tap on the ankle.

You know you're having a bad day when - Your income tax refund check bounces.

A FATHER: The man who has complete command, most of the time, of the dog.

Teacher to Pupil: Can you name me six things which have milk in them?
Pupil: Cheese, yoghurt, cream - and three cows!

Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off of you when you die.

This man went to the doctor. He said, 'Doctor, my nose runs and my feet smell.'
The doctor said, 'You're built upside down.'