Joke Topic - 'Confidence'

Why is a Scottish boy with a cold like a soldier with seven days' leave.
Because they both have a wee cough (week off).

What is white, light and sugary and swings from trees?
A meringue-utan.

Why did the ham go to the doctor?
To get cured.

How many books can you put on an empty shelf?
One. After that it isn't empty.

What do you call a stupid vampire?
A clot.

I went to a restaurant that was so expensive that they didn't have prices on the menu - just little faces with varying expressions of horror.

Why did the cucumber hire a lawyer?
Because it was in a pickle.

What did the barman say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?
Olive or twist?

What do you get is you cross an elephant with a cat?
Very nervous mice.