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Joke Topic - 'Divorce'


Here are 10 jokes on the topic - 'Divorce'.

Related Topics: Marriage (21) Husbands (9) Matrimony (1) Married (16) Divorced (1) Wives (8)
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A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces."
The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"
The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."
The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."
Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"
And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."
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Husband: "Your birthday is coming up, so I'd like some idea of what you'd like for your birthday."
Wife: "I want a divorce!"
Pause.
Husband: "I'm really sorry, but I hadn't planned to spend that much."
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Judge: You say you want a divorce because your husband is careless about his appearance?
Wife: That's correct your Honor. He hasn't shown up in almost five years.
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My wife divorced me on religious grounds.
She worships money and I don't have any.
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The other day at work I ran into Bob. We chatted over lunch and he dropped a bombsell on me. "Rodney" he said, "Becky and I are going to get a divorce".
I was stunned. "Why? What happened, you two seem so happy together"
"Well" he said, "ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night and more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to invest in the stock market."
"Are you a little bitter because she spent so much time trying to change you." I probed.
"Nah, I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
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We decided to get married on Friday the 13th. if things don't work out at least we'll have something to blame the divorce on.
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What do a hurricane, a tornado, a fire and a divorce have in common?
They are four ways you can lose your home.
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What do you call a man whose wife has just divorced him?
A divorce-he.
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What's the best way for a woman to get rid of excess fat?
Divorce him.
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Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it!

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