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Joke Topic - 'Getting Old'


Here are 6 jokes on the topic - 'Getting Old'.

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Signs You're Getting Old
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
You're the one calling the police because the kids next door won't turn down their stereo.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating fried chicken at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
A $5.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
"I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
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You know you're getting old when instead of combing your hair, you start "arranging" it.
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You know you're getting old when the only gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
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You know you're getting old when you look at the menu before looking at the waitress or waiter.
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You know you're getting old when you turn out the lights for economic reasons instead of romantic ones.
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You know you're getting old when your back goes out more than you do.


Here are some randomly selected joke topics

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Tennis

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Tennis.
Tennis who?
Tennis five plus five.
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Having A Bad Day

You know you're having a bad day when your twin sister forgets your birthday.
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Dogs

What did the dog say when he sat on a piece of sandpaper?
Ruff.
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Restaurant

What does a skeleton order when he eats in a restaurant?
Spareribs.
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Light Bulbs

How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
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Elbow

What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right hand?
Your right elbow.
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Mother

John: My mother thinks I'm too thin.
Helen: What gave you that idea?
John: She is always saying she can see right through me.
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Dad

This kid said to me, 'My dad can beat your dad up.'
I said to him, 'That's nothing. So can my mum.'
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Divorce

We decided to get married on Friday the 13th. if things don't work out at least we'll have something to blame the divorce on.

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