Joke Topic - 'Happy'

A Scottish gift: "It's nae use to me, ye're welcome to it."

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bottle of gin.
I think you need a little tonic.

What did the buffalo say when he dropped his boy off at school?
"Bye, son!"

First cannibal: What are you cooking for dinner?
Second cannibal: Shut up and get back in the oven.

Why do vampires try to avoid getting into arguments?
Because they make themselves cross.

Last year a group of terrorists hijacked a planeload of lawyers. They said that they'd release one every hour unless their demands were met.

If tires hold up cars, what holds up airplanes?
Hijackers.

Have you ever had chicken soup?
No, I've never known a chicken who could cook.

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing frogs in front of my eyes.
Doctor: Don't worry, it's only a hoptical illusion.