Joke Topic - 'Hypochondria'

I'm so broke, I can't even afford to pay attention.

Knock, knock.
Who's them?
Zoom.
Zoom who?
Zoom did you expect?

You must must think I'm the perfect idiot.
No, you're not perfect.

Why was the student vampire feeling very tired this morning?
Because he stayed up all night studying for his blood test!

How did Frankenstein eat his lunch?
He bolted it down.

I don't need to buy an encyclopedia - my wife knows everything.

What do you call a Scottish parrot?
A Macaw.

Did you hear about the ghost who works at Scotland Yard?
He's the Chief in-spectre.

Why does Father Christmas go down chimneys?
Because they soot him.