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Joke Topic - 'Lawyers' - 7


This is page 7 of jokes on the topic - 'Lawyers'.

Related Topics: Law (6) Judges (14) Attorney (2)
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There was the cartoon showing two people fighting over a cow. One was pulling the cow by the tail the other was pulling on the horns. Underneath was a lawyer milking the cow.
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These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a Hot Air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are". Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down to the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?". And the man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air". George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer". And Harry says "How can you tell?". George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless".
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Three men were in a balloon. They got caught in a storm and after being tossed about, they got lost. When the storm calmed down, they eventually floated passed a man on the ground.
They yelled "Where are we?"
The man replied "You are in a balloon".
One of the men in the balloon turned to the others and said "that man is obviously a lawyer".
How can you tell?, the two asked.
"It's easy, the information he gave is totally accurate, and completely useless".
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Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead.
"Damn," he says. "I forgot to lock the office safe before we left."
His partner replies " What are you worried about? We're both here."
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Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."
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Two women who hadn't seen each other for five years, met while out shopping. One woman said, "I heard that you got married."
"Yes" said the second woman, "I married a lawyer, and an honest man too."
"Oh," said the first woman, "Isn't that bigamy?"
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Walking into a lawyers office, a man asked what his rates were. "Fifty dollars for three questions," the lawyer stated. "Isn't that awfully expensive?" the man asked?" "Yes," replied the lawyer. "What's your third question?"
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What an amazing lawyer he was. Once he got a jury so confused, they sent the judge to jail.
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What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.

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