"Hello, I am actually home at the moment, but I really don't feel like listening to whatever your problem is. So, If you leave your name and number at the tone, when I feel like responding to your message, I will."
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Blondes
Q: Why do blondes to drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Rabbits
There was a man who painted rabbits all over his bald head.
Claimed they looked like hares from a distance.
Exams
Father: Well son, how are your exam results?
Son: They're all under water
Father: What do you mean?
Son: They're all under C level.
Tennis
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Tennis.
Tennis who?
Tennis five plus five.
Spaceman
What do you call a crazy spaceman?
An astronut.
Girlfriends
My girlfriend's cooking is just like a good man, hard to keep down.
Office
"Duties will vary."
Anyone in the office can boss you around and tell you what to do.
Baker
Why did everyone find the bakers jokes funny?
Because he had a rye sense of humor.
Cafeteria
Did you hear about the idiot who thought that bacteria was the rear of a cafeteria?