My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" "The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Idiot
Did you hear about the idiot who planted pennies in his garden?
He wanted to raise some hard cash.
Coming In
Knock knock.
Who's there
Stan.
Stan who?
Stan back, I'm coming in.
Personality
You have a striking personality. How long has it been on strike?
Dogs
Which is the quietest breed of dog?
A hush puppy!
Ducks
What do you call a duck that wears a mask and steals money from banks?
A robber duckie.
Snow
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow good asking me.
Mosquitoes
What do mosquitoes learn in art class?
How to draw blood.
Christmas
What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the normal alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Landlord
The landlord said he wanted me to treat the place like my own home. So I did - I didn't pay the rent.