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Joke Topic - 'Software'


Here are 5 jokes on the topic - 'Software'.

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How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
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How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.
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How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "We'll document it in the manual."
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My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
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Software Development Cycle

Software doesn't just appear on the shelves by magic. That program shrink-wrapped inside the box along with the indecipherable manual and 12-paragraph disclaimer notice actually came to you by way of an elaborate path, through the most rigid quality control on the planet. Here, shared for the first time with the general public, are the inside details of the program development cycle.

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. See 3.
6. See 4.
7. See 5.
8. See 6.
9. See 7.
10. See 8.
11. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on an overly optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
12. Users find 137 new bugs.
13. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
14. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
15. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
16. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
17. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer to redo program from scratch.
18. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.


Here are some randomly selected joke topics

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The Cops

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke out, the cops are after you.
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Consultants

A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
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Birds

What kind of bird is always on its knees?
A bird of prey.
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Cream Cakes

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Guthrie.
Guthrie who?
Guthrie cream cakes in my hand.
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Lumberjacks

I used to be a lumberjack, but then I got the axe.
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Ants

Which ant lives in a house?
An occupant!
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Sound

Salesman: Would you like to buy these speakers?
Customer: Are you sure that they are a sound investment?
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Doctors

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a sheep.
That's baaaaaad.
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Budgie

What do you call a baby budgie?
A budget.

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