Joke Topic - 'Useful'

What type of fish only comes out at night?
A starfish.

Did you hear what happened to the man who decked the halls?
He was charged with assault.

What do Scottish owls sing?
Owld Lang Syne.

What award does the dentist of the year get?
A little plaque.

How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "We'll fix it in software."

Marriage is like a bath tub....once you are in it for awhile it's not so hot.

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
The tick stops draining you and drops off after you're dead.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking that I've been here before.
Oh, no, not you again.

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand-witch.