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Joke Topic - 'Wife'


Here are 25 jokes on the topic - 'Wife'.

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"I haven't spoken to my wife for almost 25 years."
"Why not?"
"She doesn't like being interrupted."
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A husband and wife went to see a marriage guidance counselor.
"This is the problem," the husband said. "We've been married ten years. For the last eight, we haven't been able to agree on anything."
The counselor looked at the Wife. "Is that correct?” he asked.
"Definitely not," she answered. "We haven't been able to agree on anything for the last nine years."
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A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault.
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Bill gave his wife a real surprise on her birthday. He remembered it.
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Bill: Why do you want to be buried at sea?
Fred: Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.
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Bob: I don't know what to do about my wife.
Fred: What's wrong with her?
Bob: It's her memory.
Fred: You mean she can't remember anything?
Bob: No, she remembers everything.
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Customer: I'd like a pair of stockings for my wife.
Storekeeper: Sheer?
Customer: No, she's at home.
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Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a primary misconception.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding 'General Partnership Faults'! (GPFs.) Your Wife1.0 does a scan for GPFs during it's monthly program maintenance scan (PMS).
You must assume joint responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPFs are cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C: \ APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C: \ YESDEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you share the blame for all GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2.
You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.

WARNING!!!
DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support
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Did you know, Peter, I got a new set of golf clubs for my wife last week.'
'Oh, David, what a bargain.'
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First Husband: Sometimes I get annoyed with my wife. She's always wanting to run her fingers through my hair.
Second Husband: You're a lucky guy. My wife's always running her fingers through my wallet.

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