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Jokes About Animals - Page 7


Here are are more of our funny jokes about animals.


This is page 7 of 9.


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If Fairbanks Alaska passed a law outlawing all dogs, what would it be called?
Dogless Fairbanks!

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A man is driving his car along a lonely country road when suddenly grinds to a halt. The driver tries to restart it but to no avail. So he gets out and opens the bonnet and starts fiddling with the plugs. Suddenly he hears a voice. "The left hand carburettor is blocked, why don't you drain it and the muck should come out too". He turns round and can see no one, so he shrugs and goes back to what he was doing.
"Drain the muck out of the left hand carburettor", says the voice again, and when he turns round all he can see is a black horse with its head over the hedge looking at him. Again the voice tells him what to do and he suddenly realises that the horse is giving him instructions. Too shocked to argue, he does as he is told, starts the car and sure enough it works. He drives down to the nearest pub and, rushing in like a madman, has a stiff drink. Then he says to the barman, "My car broke down up there and a horse told me how to repair it".
The barman looks at him and says, "Was it a black one?"
"Yes."
"I thought so, the white one knows nothing about cars."

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This big, brawny, dark-skinned Latin guy walks into a bar. On his shoulder is a beautiful blue-and-red parrot. The bartender says, admiringly "That's beautiful where'd you get it?"
and the parrot says "Down in Mexico there's millions of 'em!"

Submitted by: Simon F

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A polar bear walks in to a bar and says to the barman. "I'll have a Gin and....................................................................tonic."
"Why the big pause?" replies the barman. the Polar bear looks down at this hands and says
"What do you mean, I've always had them."

Submitted by: Johnny Harrold

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A petrol attendent is filling a man's car, when he notices that a small penguin was sitting in the back seat. The attendant turns to the man and asks what the deal is with the penguin.
"Well" the man says. "I found the little guy a few weeks ago wandering around looking sad. I've been going crazy thinking of things I can do for him."
"There's a zoo just down the road," replies the attendant. "Why don't you take him there".
The man thanks the attendant, pays, and drives off to the zoo.
A few days later the man pulls up to the petrol station and again is met by the attendant who notices that the penguin is still in the back of the car.
"I thought you were taking him to the zoo" asks the attendant.
"I did thanks" answers the man. "He loved it, so I'm taking him to the beach today".

Submitted by: Johnny Harrold

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A violinist was convinced that he could use his musical talent to tame wild animals. So, violin in hand, he travelled to the heart of the African jungle to prove it.
No sooner had he begun to play than the jungle clearing was filled with animals of all kinds gathering to hear him play. Birds, lions, hippos, elephants - all stood around, entranced by his beautiful music. Just then, a crocodile crept out of a nearby river and into the clearing, and - snap!- gobbled up the violinist.
The other animals were extremely angry. "What on earth did you do that for?" they demanded.
"Eh?" said the crocodile, cupping its hand to its ear.

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A giant panda went into a cafe and ordered a cheeseburger. It sat there quietly eating the cheeseburger, then it got up, took out a gun, shot the waiter, and walked outside.
"Did you see that?" exclaimed a customer. "Why did he do that?" he asked the manager. The manager looked up from the book he was leafing through. "I'm looking it up in the dictionary," he replied. "It says here: "Panda, eats shoots and leaves."

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The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water. Eager to show off this amazing accomplishment, he asked a friend to go along on his next hunting trip. Saying nothing, he fired his first shot and, as the duck fell, the dog walked on the surface of the water, retrieved the duck and returned it to his master.
"Notice anything?" the owner asked eagerly.
"Yes," said his friend, "I see that fool dog of yours can't swim."

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There once was 3 foxes. 2 of them were clever, the other one was stupid. One day they were stranded in a desert when they saw a little shop. They went inside and the 2 clever foxes bought food and water and the stupid one bought a car door. When they asked him why he bought it, he said, 'so that I can wind down the window when it gets hot.'

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If your cow sounds like this, bake it and eat it "moo,moo". If your cow sounds like this I would take the fish "Moo ahhh,moo moo ahhh".

Submitted by: Taryn Marie O'Brien & Katy Amber Salomone


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