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Jokes About Doctors - Page 2

Here are more of our jokes and funny stories about doctors.
jokes about doctors

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Doctor, doctor I can't stop sneezing - is there anything you can give me?
How about a tissue?

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a car.
Doctor: I would recommend you to take a brake.

Submitted by: JB

Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing an insect spinning in front of my eyes.
Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going round.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I'm boiling up.
Doctor: Why don't do just simmer down?

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I'm developing a split personality.
Doctor: Well, sit down, both of you.

An accountant is having trouble getting to sleep at night so he goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend the next three hours trying to find it."

Patient: Doctor, doctor I keep thinking that I can see into the future.
Doctor: And when did this happen?
Patient: Next Wednesday.

Patient: Doctor, I feel very ill. I think that I ate too many oysters last night.
Doctor: Were the oysters fresh?
Patient: I don't know if they were fresh or not?
Doctor: Well, what did they look like when you opened them?
Patient: You mean you have to open them?

Patient: Doctor, you must help me I keep thinking that I'm a crossword puzzle.
Doctor: Is it getting you down?

Doctor: How did you get here so quickly?
Patient: Flu.

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