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Jokes About Doctors - Page 8


Here are more of our jokes and funny stories about doctors.


This is page 8 of 10.


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Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.
A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!"
"That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?"
"I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!"
"One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.
"Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist."
"A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?"
"Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."

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The doctor comes in and tells his patient he has some good news and some bad news, the good news is that you don't have cancer, the bad news is that you have short- term memory loss. Then the patient says, "But do I have Cancer?"

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A man walks into the doctors, he says 'doctor doctor, I think I'm a moth.' The doctor replies, 'Well I think you need a physciatrist not a doctor, why did you come to me?'
'Well' then man replies, 'I was walking past your surgery and your light was on.'

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Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, and I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID IDIOT!

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I went to the doctor, it was quite serious. He gave me 6 months to live. But when I couldn't pay his bill he gave me another 6 months.

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A man walked through the door and said "Doctor! Doctor! I think I've gone blind!" and the other man said "you surely have mate, this is a restaurant."

Submitted by: Matt

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Patient: Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs.
Doctor: I know we had to cut off your arms.

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Doctor: Face the window, would you? Now stick out your tongue.
Patient: But - Why am I facing the window?
Doctor: Because I don't like the man next door.

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At a party a woman was talking to a doctor. "What kind of a doctor are you?" she asked.
"A Naval surgeon," he replied.
"My, how you doctors specialize," she said.

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A man went to his doctor to find out why he had been having such severe headaches. The doctor ran some tests and after a few hours called the man into his office. "I have terrible news," he told the patient. "Your condition is terminal." "Oh no!" the man wailed. "How long do I have?" "Ten ..." began the doctor. "Ten what?" the patient interrupted. "Days? Months? Years?" "Nine," said the doctor, "eight, seven, six, ..."


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