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Jokes About Doctors - Page 9

Here are more of our jokes and funny stories about doctors.

This is page 9 of 10. Showing jokes 81 to 90

A man walked through the door and said "Doctor! Doctor! I think I've gone blind!" and the other man said "you surely have mate, this is a restaurant."

Submitted by: Matt

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs.
Doctor: I know we had to cut off your arms.

Doctor: Face the window, would you? Now stick out your tongue.
Patient: But - Why am I facing the window?
Doctor: Because I don't like the man next door.

At a party a woman was talking to a doctor. "What kind of a doctor are you?" she asked.
"A Naval surgeon," he replied.
"My, how you doctors specialize," she said.

A man went to his doctor to find out why he had been having such severe headaches. The doctor ran some tests and after a few hours called the man into his office. "I have terrible news," he told the patient. "Your condition is terminal." "Oh no!" the man wailed. "How long do I have?" "Ten ..." began the doctor. "Ten what?" the patient interrupted. "Days? Months? Years?" "Nine," said the doctor, "eight, seven, six, ..."

Patient: 'Doctor, why did the receptionist rush out of the room screaming?'
Doctor: 'When she asked you to strip to the waist ready for my examination she meant you to strip from the neck down, not from the toes up!'

Patient: 'Doctor, my wooden leg keeps giving me the most awful pain.'
Doctor: 'Don't be ridiculous! How can a wooden leg give you pain?'
Patient: 'My wife keeps hitting me on the head with it.'

DOCTOR: Well, Mr Jones, I can't find anything wrong with you. It must be the drink.
MR JONES: Okay, Doctor, I'll come back in the morning when you're sober.

'Doctor, doctor, little Jimmy has a saucepan stuck on his head. Whatever shall I do?'
'Don't worry, you can borrow one of mine. I'm going out for dinner."

Submitted by: Alice Jones

'Doctor, doctor, I keep stealing things. Can you give me something for it?'
'Try these pills. And if they don't work, bring me back a DVD player."

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