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Jokes About Doctors - Page 1

Here is our selection of jokes and funny stories about doctors.
jokes about doctors

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Patient: Doctor, you must help me, I've gone crazy about cricket.
Doctor: How's that?
Patient: Not out!

Patient: If the doctor can't see me right away, I'm leaving.
Nurse: Calm yourself down. What's wrong with you?
Patient: I have a serious wait problem.

Submitted by: Brian

George: "Do you know what Dr Williams's specializes in?"
Tom: Yeah, he diagnoses wallets."

The Doctor received a frantic phone call from Mr. Jones who explained that his wife, who always slept with her mouth open, had a mouse caught in her throat.
"Don't worry, I'll be over in a few minutes," said the doctor. "In the meantime, try waving a piece of cheese in front of her mouth."
When the doctor arrived, he found Mr Jones waving a large fish in front of his wife's face.
"What on earth are you doing?" exclaimed the doctor.
"I told you to wave cheese. Mice don't like fish."
"I know," Mr Jones gasped, "but I need to get the cat out first.

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, should perform the operation. As he was about to go under the anesthetic he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Now, don't be nervous, son do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me ..your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."

Submitted by: Billy

Doctor: The best time to take a bath is just before you retire.
Patient: You mean I don't need to take another bath until I'm sixty-five?

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a bee.
Buzz off. Can't you see that I'm busy?

When are doctors just like comedians?
When they have you in stitches.

Doctor: Nurse, I'm ready to see the next patient now, can you send her in?
Nurse: Sorry, she didn't look very well, so I sent her home.

Doctor, doctor, my wife thinks that she's a clock.
I suspect you've just been trying wind her up.

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