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Jokes About Lawyers - Page 9


Here are more of our jokes and funny stories about lawyers and the legal profession.

This is page 9 of 9. Showing jokes 81 to 87

Jokes About Lawyers
A plumber was called to fix a blocked pipe. He arrived, banged on the pipes for 15 minutes, and said to the homeowner, well that'll be $35. The homeowner said "thirty five dollars!!!!- why thats $140 per hour!! I'm a lawyer and I only make $100 an hour!!" The plumber replies, "yeah, thats what I got when I was a lawyer."
Jokes About Lawyers
A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
Jokes About Lawyers
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
Jokes About Lawyers
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?"
The housewife replies: "Four!".
The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."
The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
Jokes About Lawyers
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: No one cries when you slice up a lawyer.
Jokes About Lawyers
Last year a group of terrorists hijacked a planeload of lawyers. They said that they'd release one every hour unless their demands were met.
Jokes About Lawyers
Once upon a time there was a snake and a rabbit that bumped into each other in the woods. Both were blind. The snake started feeling the rabbit's fur and said, 'You are nice and soft, so you must be a rabbit.' Then the rabbit started feeling the snake and said, 'And you are cold and slithery. You must be a lawyer.'

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