This is page 12 of 12. Showing jokes 111 to 115
'Tell me, young man,' said the father to his prospective son-in-law, 'if my daughter marries you, and I give her a substantial dowry, what have you to offer her in return?' 'I'll give you a receipt.'
A drunken man at a party went up to a strange woman and embraced her clumsily. She slapped his face. 'I'm so sorry,' he said, 'I thought you were my wife.' 'Huh,' said the woman, 'You'd be a fine husband to have. Just look at you - a drunken, clumsy, disgusting brute.' 'Good heavens,' said the drunk, 'you talk like her, too.'
A man came back from a party very drunk and just as he was creeping in by the front door he heard his wife moving upstairs. 'Oh - oh,' he thought, 'she mustn't think I've been drinking. I know, I'll pretend I've been reading all evening.' So he put the plan into action, went into the sitting-room and sat down. After a few minutes the door opened and his wife peered in. 'What do you think you're doing?' she asked. 'Reading, dear, just reading.' 'Shut up, you drunken idiot,' said the wife. 'Now close that suitcase and come to bed.'
This farmer said to his wife, 'We've been married fifty years. Why don't we kill the chicken tonight?'.
His wife said, 'Why kill the chicken? It's not his fault?'
This man went to the doctor's with some airgun pellets in his bottom. The doctor said, 'You'll have to go into hospital with that. Your wife'll miss you.'
The man said, 'She didn't miss me this morning.'
Here are some randomly selected jokes from other categories
What do you call a rabbit who has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
What was the name of the small horse that fought windmills?
Donkey Oatey.
Bill: Does this hot weather disagree with your mother?
Fred: It wouldn't dare!
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Lawyer Says His Client Is Not That Guilty
What type of cheese does a dog like on his pizza?
Mutts-arella.
