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Jokes About Marriage - Page 8


Here are more of our jokes and funny stories about marriage and married life.


This is page 8 of 10. Showing jokes 71 to 80


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Mommy, mommy, why is daddy running?
Shut up, kid, and hand me another box of shotgun shells.

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A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror, taking a long hard look at herself.
"You know dear", she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive, to make me feel better about myself."
He studies hard for a moment, thinking about it, and says in a soft, thoughtful voice. "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30, at Saint Elmo's memorial Chapel.

Submitted by: John Porcello

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Mr Green: My wife's one in a million.
Mr Brown: Really? I thought she was won in a raffle.

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Mrs Smith: Don't you think that man over there is the ugliest person you've ever seen?
Mrs Jones: Thats my husband.
Mrs Smith: Oh dear, I'm so sorry.
Mrs Jones: You're sorry. . .

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cheer up!" said Alan to his depressed friend, John. "Why don't you drown your sorrows?"
John, a married man with three strapping daughters at home, turned a doleful face towards him and said:
"No man, that would be murder."

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A man's on his deathbed with his wife sitting near him. He says "Dear wife, I must confess certain things to you before I die." She says, "Hush now, husband, you're fading fast."
He says, "But this is really important, I must tell you so I can die with a clear conscience! I slept with your best friend, your sister, and your mother!"
She says, "I know, that's why I poisoned you."

Submitted by: Stevan Hogg

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Hotel Porter: "May I carry your bag sir?"
Hotel Guest: "No that won't be necessary, my wife is perfectly capable of walking."

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"Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence."

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Don't marry for money...You can borrow it cheaper.

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The kindest thing I can say about my wife is that her in-laws are a lot nicer than mine.


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