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Jokes About Marriage - Page 8


Here are more of our jokes and funny stories about marriage and married life.


This is page 8 of 10.


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Mrs Smith: Don't you think that man over there is the ugliest person you've ever seen?
Mrs Jones: Thats my husband.
Mrs Smith: Oh dear, I'm so sorry.
Mrs Jones: You're sorry. . .

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cheer up!" said Alan to his depressed friend, John. "Why don't you drown your sorrows?"
John, a married man with three strapping daughters at home, turned a doleful face towards him and said:
"No man, that would be murder."

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A man's on his deathbed with his wife sitting near him. He says "Dear wife, I must confess certain things to you before I die." She says, "Hush now, husband, you're fading fast."
He says, "But this is really important, I must tell you so I can die with a clear conscience! I slept with your best friend, your sister, and your mother!"
She says, "I know, that's why I poisoned you."

Submitted by: Stevan Hogg

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Hotel Porter: "May I carry your bag sir?"
Hotel Guest: "No that won't be necessary, my wife is perfectly capable of walking."

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"Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence."

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Don't marry for money...You can borrow it cheaper.

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The kindest thing I can say about my wife is that her in-laws are a lot nicer than mine.

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Last weekend my credit card was stolen but I decided not to report it because the thief is spending less than my wife does.

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A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That's too much," said the farmer. The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10." The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man." "Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

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What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.


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