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Jokes About Marriage - Page 9


Here are more of our jokes and funny stories about marriage and married life.


This is page 9 of 10. Showing jokes 81 to 90


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Last weekend my credit card was stolen but I decided not to report it because the thief is spending less than my wife does.

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A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That's too much," said the farmer. The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10." The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man." "Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

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What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

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MABEL: When I'm old and ugly, will you still love me?
PERCY: I do, don't I?

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Bill: Today is my wife's birthday.
Phil: What are you getting for her?
Bill: Make me an offer!

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A HUSBAND: The man who knows he is in charge, and has his wife's permission to say so.

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A FATHER: The man who has complete command, most of the time, of the dog.

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When a man was reading the newspaper, his wife asked, "Will you still love me when I'm old and gray?" "Sure I do," he mumbled.

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A man had a wife who was a terrible cook - she just served frozen food day after day. Eventually the husband went to his doctor and explained his problem. 'And what's the trouble?' asked the doctor. 'Ulcers?' 'No, frostbite.'

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'Are you married?'
'No, I've always been round-shouldered.'


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