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Jokes About Marriage - Page 1

Here is our selection of jokes and funny stories about marriage and married life. There are 98 jokes in this category.
jokes about marriage

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A man is getting married and is standing beside his bride in the church. Next to him are his golf clubs and bag.
His bride whispers, "Why have you brought your golf clubs?"
The groom replies, "Well, this isn’t going to take all day, is it?"

Wife: Why did you come came home at 4 am this morning?
Husband: Where else you can go to at 4 in the morning in this town?

Harry: My wife speaks through her nose?
Fred: Why does she do that?
Harry: Because she's worn her mouth out.

Submitted by: Sandy

My wedding was a very emotional experience, even the wedding cake was in tiers.

My wife is a great lover - of cream cakes.

Submitted by: Rob

Fred: I want to marry a smart woman, a good woman, a woman who'll make me happy.
George: Well, you'll have to make up your mind which one of those you want.

The two men had been introduced at a party and were sitting in silence, amid the noise of the celebrations, sipping their drinks.
After a few minutes one of them said, "You may have noticed that I'm a man of few words."
"Yes, I'm married too," the other man quietly replied.

Mary: I hear that you have a model husband?
Joan: It's true he really is a model husband - unfortunately he's not a working model.

Bob: I don't know what to do about my wife.
Fred: What's wrong with her?
Bob: It's her memory.
Fred: You mean she can't remember anything?
Bob: No, she remembers everything.

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but every morning I pass your house on my way to work, and couldn't help noticing that every day you hit your husband on the head with a loaf of bread."
"That's right."
"Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake."
"Well, today is his birthday."

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