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Jokes About Pets - Page 3

Here are more of our jokes and funny stories about pets.

This is page 3 of 4. Showing jokes 21 to 30

This guy buys a parrot. Every morning he stands in front of the cage and asks in a pleasant voice "Can you talk?" This goes on for weeks with absolutely no response from the bird. Finally one morning, totally fed up, he shouts "CAN YOU TALK, YOU STUPID CREATURE? CAN YOU TALK?" The bird looks him in the eye and says "I can talk, all right. Can you fly?"

I call my dog Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

I used to have a fish as a pet. Poor little thing it was deaf. So I bought it a herring aid.

'Do you know what happened when I washed my hamster in detergent?' 'No.' 'It died.' 'I'm not surprised. I could have told you detergent wasn't good for hamsters.' 'It wasn't the detergent that killed it. It was the spin-drier.'

This man went to the pet shop to buy a red parrot. The pet-shop man said, 'I'm sorry, we've only got a blue one, but if you like I'll give you a pot of red paint and you can take him home and paint him.'
The man said, 'Great,' and off he went with the parrot and the pot of red paint.
The next day he came back. He said, 'Hey, that parrot's dead.
The pet shop man said, 'I don't believe it. There's no way pot of red paint would kill a parrot.'
The man said, 'No, it wasn't the red paint that killed him. It was trying to get the blue paint off with a blowlamp!'

My uncle said, 'I've got this elephant who's so sulky he just sits in a comer and mutters to himself. What shall I call him?'
The vet said, 'How about mumbo jumbo'.

My uncle said, 'I've got this elephant that Won't talk to me.'
The vet said, 'What's his name?'
My uncle said, 'He won't even tell me that.'

Did you hear about the cat that fell in the yoghurt? He's a sour puss now.

By the way did you hear about the St Bernard that went up a mountain in a storm to take some brandy to a climber who was lost? Well, they thought he was a goner, because he was gone for a few days, but all of a sudden he turned up again with a note round his neck. It said, 'I enjoyed the brandy very much. Can you send up the rest of the bottle?'

Why is your cat so small?
He only drinks condensed milk.

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