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Miscellaneous Jokes - Page 12

Here are more of our jokes and funny stories without a category of their own.

This is page 12 of 19. Showing jokes 111 to 120

A train in India was going very, very slowly, and a group of American tourists were growing increasingly impatient. Finally, when it stopped for about the hundredth time, one of the tourists got out, walked to the front of the train, and asked the train-driver, 'can't you go any faster?'
'Oh, yes sir' replied the driver, 'but I've not allowed to leave the train.'
People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
Lead me not into temptation -- I can find it for myself.
Support bacteria - It's the only culture some people have!
There are two things I dislike in a person -
Absentmindedness and... I can't remember the other one.
Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting for a dial tone.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.

Submitted by: David L
You know its a "no frills" airline when...
... All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
... Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
... You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
... Before take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
... The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
... The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
... You ask the Captain how often their planes crash. He says, "Just once."
... No movie. Didn't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
... You see a man with a gun and he's demanding to be let off the plane.
Father: I think our son gets all his brains from me...
Mother: Probably - I still have all mine.
The relatives of the family's rich dowager gathered for the reading of her will after her long awaited death.
"Being of sound mind," read the lawyer, "I spent every last cent before I died."

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